Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
