the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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