Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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