i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
