I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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