So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
