Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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