i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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