You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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