My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
