Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
