would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I said "one day" and that day is not today
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
