Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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