I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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