addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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