I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
