I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
