When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
