Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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