My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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