I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
