I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
