Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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