My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
