I'm going to jail i love you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
