She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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