GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
