I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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