my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
