um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
