just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
