Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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