You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
