I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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