If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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