Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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