New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
