i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
