i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
