Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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