quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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