at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
