So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
