The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we're so committed to being not committed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
