I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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