I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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