Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
