hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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