Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
