How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
