...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
