is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
