so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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