I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
