This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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