P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.