i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
