Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
