The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize