Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
