My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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