Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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