did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you never un-have a 4some
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
