I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
