People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
