Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
