he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
