Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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