Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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