He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
