a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
