2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
