So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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