sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
