She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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