i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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