Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
