8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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