omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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