She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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