Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
