You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
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Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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