Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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