I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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