Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
