You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wish my penis had a tongue
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
