I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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