I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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